Blue Mountain Dew

kingjaffejoffer:

ratchetivity:

kingjaffejoffer:

There needs to be a site that curates and contextualizes porn. There’s neverending porn on the internet, but its all unfiltered and wild. Like a firehose of smut that sprays wildly in every direction and never turns off. It’s no secret that many people spend more time looking for the right porn to get off to than they do actually masturbating. This is the equivalent to driving 30 minutes to McDonalds to get a cheeseburger that takes 90 seconds to make and 5 minutes to eat. 

You know how Netflix learns your tastes judging by what you watch and how you rate movies. Then the next time you log in the shit just pops up like:

“Hey, we noticed you liked Completely Ridiculous Action Movies With Low Budgets, you may like Peg Legged Grannies From Outer Space

And you sit there like, “holy shit I would love to watch Peg Legged Grannies From Outer Space”. 

Porn needs that kind of personalization. Yeah I know the whole privacy issue prevents it…. but it really is a gaping hole in the market. 

How much better would masturbation be if a site knew exactly what it took to get you off, and found new things that you could get off to without you doing any work. 

some sites do that now. like if you click on a video it’ll show you other pornos with similar tags or pornstars in them.

All tube sites have that and it is wildly ineffective. 

this weekend i just wanna have all kinds of sex with my boyfriend. starting saturday night & into sunday, i want us to just explore each other & try new things out. his sex has improved tremendously and i wanna see what else he can do.

her: are you drunk?

me: yeah.

her: good. come here.

im horny, wet, and i want someone to eat my pussy and fuck me.

the dick pic.

i was just sent one….i should post it online so everyone can see. but i wont……not right now, anyway. maybe just later on today.

but do NOT EVER EVEREVEREVEREVEREVEREVEREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SEND ME A PICTURE OF YOUR PHALLUS!!!!

what kind of fucking satisfaction do men get from sending dick pics to cell phones???? i’ve seen penises before! just because you send me yours doesnt mean it’s insta-sex for you and i.

penises are not equivalent to boobs! send me your mom’s boobs, since you’re feeling like nigel barker today. send me a picture of your puppy that you just bought…but NEVER NEVER your Johnson.

you see how she’s sitting? see how she’s looking at him??? that’s the feeling every woman gets when we have our partner literally on his knees, sucking every last drop. the power we feel is immense. yes, he may have our legs shaking, gripping the pillow, biting our lip, and breathing harder, but you’re still here to please us.  grabbing your head, pushing you in deeper with our thighs, and making sure you have something to gargle with is what makes us happy.
so men, make us happy. we’ll do so much more for you when it’s time to fuck, or when it’s your turn for head. a happy pussy is….well….a happy pussy.

the next time i have sex

my pussy will be eaten from 8 different angles.

i hate having sex.

because i never either get to finish, or when i do, im always ready to go in another 30 minutes. then what if my bf isnt home. -___- what then. i have to wait. and then im even more angry and hornier. or the next day while we’re both at work or somethin, i’ll be feenin like a motherfucker. im never finished, or im always horny. i need a live-in sex slave that only lives to please me when i need something.

head.

why do men think they can lick the pussy like 5 times before they get up and either ask us for head, or try to fuck??? but when it’s our turn, we gotta stay down there on them for like 45 minutes???? im not playing that little game anymore. somebody’s getting lock jaw on me today.